I used up a lot of light the other day
Burning matches from my good box like I wouldn't have to pay
But now sitting in the dark, I am just one match away
From either lighting up the path or simply setting me aflame
It's a shame
The way the emptiness of generosity makes shame
And how the constant lack of calling makes the collar we call blame
Blame of self
Fading fast
Distant from everybody else
With faith for only feigning fine and always sure they haven't felt
Felt the same
There's the guilt
As rejection's on the belt
Another notch to bear the weight
Next on the wall
Pride on the shelf
A selfish hell, an inner jail
Made up of walls that are not well
Casting visions on the watchers like icy hail into the well
Now I'm a shade…
And always I'm ashamed to be a shade
I thought with time I would grow stronger with all the matches I had made
But gave away
And worse than that
I notice that I keep myself in night
By self assuring that the worse thoughts surely maybe must be right
And even still…
Despite the way the words are self aware
I cannot stop the voice from shrilling or the apathetic stare
The fabric frays
I'm slowly pulling pieces at the seams
We've found the thread and know the weaver now let's try to make him weep
But not a peep
For someone here who almost always has to share
There are voices darkly treasured that a person doesn't bare
I'm yelling at me even now just as I try to climb the stairs
WONT YOU WALK
Just to move I have to give myself a talk
I must look a lot like Smeagol yelling shadows
Throwing rocks
Into pools all of my self
Hoping one of us will stop