Instead of killing myself
Which is immediately to the left
The knife, the car, the over-tightened belt
I want to see a flare gun
Locked a loaded on the shelf
Another option, another way to cope with all that’s felt
I get caught up in a cross-fire
I get pinned down by some words
Or thoughts of mortars sailing overhead
Like flaming birds
I just want an out that’s more like rescue
Less like being hurt
Please come get me before I hear something worse
It happens so suddenly sometimes
The ground just goes to quicksand
And then my legs and feet they just don't work
I wish I had a tool to use
Some bright signal for some help
To see a metal angel drop a ladder like a sail
and not a shell
I need some air support
I need some breath under my wings
I don't want to quit I just want to be rescued from the stings
I'm sick of hearing all my friends confide they want to die
Yeah so do fucking I but I stick with you so you'll try
Just drop a rope
Because I'm done
No not a noose, I want to run
But I will never blow the candle out until my story's done
I'm a holy fucking flare I can't extinguish or deflame
But when I'm lit it's like I'm calling out for anybody's name
Just come get me
Yes, I need it
I feel worthless and depleted
Always rescue, never beaten
But sometimes I'm the one whose bleeding
…
I just want to call out sometimes
I run out of steam mid walk
Even in the middle of my life
And I wish I could pop my flare
And wave goodbye
Not dead
But certainly not coming back this time