Children blame themselves because it’s the only thing they can control.
Rather than admitting that the entire structure of your life is built on a foundation of decay, it is much easier to choose self-hate over uncomfortable truths. It’s easier to think that it’s your fault than that you were born into a loveless marriage. That you're stupid rather than the school system being antiquated by an entire civilization of adults who have the science to prove that grades HURT their children and yet do nothing out of sheer interta. That you're flawed rather than everything else having been mishandled selfishly and ignorantly generation after generation after generation.
Hating yourself will never bring you peace. It will never make up for the person you're not, the experiences you haven't had, the pain you are experiencing and need to deal with. Something bad happened to you and it is not your fault. Pretending that it is will only bring pain to others and yourself.
Adults blame other people because now that they hate themselves its too scary to admit they're the only thing they can control.
So they blame their environment, and the people in their lives, and god. They blame their marriage and their children. Their job. Politics. Unwilling to admit that the work lies inward. That they are the angry ones, the ones unwilling to listen, the one that is so unhappy with who they are that they feel the need to control the world around them to make up for their control inside.
For every parent that needs to control their children because they refuse to process their own internal anxiety...you built the cage. You locked the door. Untrap yourself and show your children what it means to take risks rather than let their lives be determined by everything else. You have given control to the world and now you wonder why you feel so unhappy. We lie to ourselves to survive. What if you stopped? What if you admitted defeat to try and find victory again? It is easier to dig in to the familiar than be open to change. But you're the problem, you have to change.